hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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