nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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