Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
