One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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