She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
