The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize