i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
