I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize