Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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