His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
