Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
