I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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