my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Send help, water and tortillas.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
