I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
