the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
