I want to stick my p in your. b.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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