He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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