having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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