i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
