I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
