my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This is the high leading the old right now
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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