you would pick up someone in the library
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
