Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
