Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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