I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
