I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
