I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
