don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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