just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
