my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
