Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
