this just has baby written all over it
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
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well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
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I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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