I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
