saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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