dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i out mim tonsoeep
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