yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
