Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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