Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
