I think I died a long time ago.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
