It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
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He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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