a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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