great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
