dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
