Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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