I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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