Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
