my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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