I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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