I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
