member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
