Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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