I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
