haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Who died my cat blue again?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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