i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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