This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
