actually, I'm a sock model
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
