i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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