Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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