I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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