i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
