In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
