her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
