Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
