well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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