Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
