Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
