hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
