**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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