So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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