Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience