I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"