Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
