went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
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My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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