Moan for me like Helen Keller
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
