If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
