Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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