I'm going to jail i love you
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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