i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
