I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
