so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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